And then one week the struggle was overwhelming. I remember crying and wondering what if we are all just wrong? What if He really never did raise up from the dead? What if I really am not redeemed after all? What if there still is a record of all my wrong? What if? I walked through my church doors that Sunday with all my "what ifs". And in case no one has ever told you, that is exactly where God loves to have you. God delivers the broken and the disheartened. He meets the needs of his people that cry out to Him.
That Sunday my beloved pastor preached on Doubting Thomas, on that Sunday my God met me right where I was and told me to stop doubting and believe. He is a personal God, who desires a personal walk with you. He doesn't miss or overlook the sufferings of His people.
Fast forward many years later to when we found out I was pregnant with a son. I knew his name would be Thomas. He is my personal reminder of the grace and patience and love and deliverance of my God. It is rare that I say my son's name and do not think of that Sunday when God stood before me with holes in His hands and said "Put your fingers here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe." John 20:27
Today my Thomas turns two. What a blessing his life has been to us! One day our God will stand before him with the same proposal he had for me that Sunday, a proposal of rest if only I would believe. He stands before all of us at some point in all of our lives with that proposal. May our responses be that of the no longer doubting Thomas who responded with "My Lord and my God". Won't you stop doubting and believe.