Thursday, October 14, 2010

Stop Doubting and Believe

His story really starts many years before he was born, because his story started with my story. I was wrestling with disbelief and fear and depression. I was wrestling with all things in the world that are horrible like 9/11 and cancer and suffering. I went to church and tried hard to have the blind faith that I was supposed to have. Because believing was supposed to easy, right? Those that really believe, those real Christians, never struggled with blind faith. It was easy. So where did that put me? Because I was struggling.

And then one week the struggle was overwhelming. I remember crying and wondering what if we are all just wrong? What if He really never did raise up from the dead? What if I really am not redeemed after all? What if there still is a record of all my wrong? What if? I walked through my church doors that Sunday with all my "what ifs". And in case no one has ever told you, that is exactly where God loves to have you. God delivers the broken and the disheartened. He meets the needs of his people that cry out to Him.

That Sunday my beloved pastor preached on Doubting Thomas, on that Sunday my God met me right where I was and told me to stop doubting and believe. He is a personal God, who desires a personal walk with you. He doesn't miss or overlook the sufferings of His people.

Fast forward many years later to when we found out I was pregnant with a son. I knew his name would be Thomas. He is my personal reminder of the grace and patience and love and deliverance of my God. It is rare that I say my son's name and do not think of that Sunday when God stood before me with holes in His hands and said "Put your fingers here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe." John 20:27

Today my Thomas turns two. What a blessing his life has been to us! One day our God will stand before him with the same proposal he had for me that Sunday, a proposal of rest if only I would believe. He stands before all of us at some point in all of our lives with that proposal. May our responses be that of the no longer doubting Thomas who responded with "My Lord and my God". Won't you stop doubting and believe.

Amy

12 comments:

sassy seamstress said...

oh, amy, what beautiful words you write today. such a sweet note for such a sweet boy. we love thomas. happy birthday, dude!

Jemsmom said...

So beautiful! Happy Birthday Thomas!

Design A-Peele said...

thanks for sharing this. I am in the middle of waiting to see if a teenage girl and her grandmother choose my husband and I to adopt their unborn baby. I have been struggling and doubting that God would give this to me. I don't have any children and have been told by Dr.s that we can't have our own, which is fine...if we can adopt. I go from believing that it will happen to thinking that God is big enough. Thanks for a precious reminder that this is exactly where God wants me...crying out to him! Happy birthday to your precious son :)

julie said...

oh my goodness amy! that brought tears to my eyes! i am so proud of you for writing such strong words! i pray that someone who is in that doubting stage of life finds your post and reads your words! you are a true gift and a true follower! happy birthday to your sweet thomas! he is a cutie! xo

valthecraftygal said...

A wonderful message (again) and a beautiful encouragment to all of us! Congrats- I love the name you chose for him! Val

MostlySunny said...

Always a pick me up....I love it. He is adorable and obviously adored! Happy Birthday Thomas!!

Their Mommy His Wife said...

what a wonderful testimony.. I share a similar testimony of a dark journey through fear and clinical depression 3+ yrs ago and my 2 yr old daughter's name is "Faith" because of it!
Thanks for sharing!

Happy Birthday, Thomas!!

Jill said...

Happy birthday to your handsome little guy! Love the sweet story behind his name. I must admit, sometimes your posts leave me a little stunned...shaking my head wondering how you could come up with the things you do and write them in such a beautiful way. It really does seem that God is speaking through you. Your blog is very unique...lots of beautiful pics and decorating ideas combined with heart-felt messages. I just love everything about your blog!

The Starr Family said...

Happy Happy Birthday to Thomas... a child that will undoubtedly have his own doubts in life; but will be given abundant grace, mercy, and forgiving love from His father irregardless. I love that.

Hope you had a special day!

csmsand said...

Amy thats beautiful! It brings tears to my eyes, because I've been there - those same feelings you had I've had and like you I've had that blessing of a small but meaningful moment where Jesus has shown me the truth. Your such a blessing, thank you for your amazing posts!

Val said...

Thank you for such a wonderful post and inspiration!

june said...

Wow!,,,You're a rockstar!!! thanks for being real,, and sharing your heart, it has blessed us all. and Happy Birthday to Thomas!

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