Today, a kind woman we met in a store asked you if you liked being a big sister. You shook your head yes. The she said, "I bet you are a good big sister to your little brother". I have been having a hard time knowing how to process your answer. You said, "I have a big sister too, she is the bestest big sister". You might say that you were giving Ella a compliment. You always think of her...you always think of everyone else! If you are getting an ice cream cone, you ask for two...one for you and one for Ella. If you are receiving a compliment, it would hold true to your character that you would find a way to weave Ella into the niceties. On the other hand, I fear that you might have been saying Ella is a better sister than you are. How to know? I regret to report that you often measure yourself up to your big sister. I know that in many ways, that is okay. Ella is a really neat kid that I wouldn't change for one minute! But you my sweet Caroline are divinely precious and I could not imagine you being any different than you are!
I know what it's like to try to measure up to a big sister. Why do we do that? Why do we look outward searching for someone to measure ourselves against, rather than looking upward? It is not that our sisters are not admirable, goodness knows they are! But what makes us sometimes want to be more like them, and less like us? I see so much of myself in you Caroline. I remember trying to do what my big sister did, trying to make decisions like she would make, liking the people that she would like. It is a hard role to try to play...because you were never intended to play it! It is a trap really, a lie. I want so much more for you Caroline. I want you to know that unique you is exactly what God had in mind when He created you. That you were made in His likeness and you don't have to try to be like anyone else. Your identity can be found in a gift that is freely given. You don't have to try to measure up, you don't have to pretend to be someone else, you are free to just be...because He just is who He is! He measures up Caroline! I wonder how long this truth will take to sink in for you, for you to really own it? I was slow to learn. I wonder how many other mothers out there ponder the same thing? I will pray a different path for you Caroline, and I'll start believing God to make it happen!
I adore you!Mom