Wednesday, August 11, 2010

The motherhood mystery

I am learning everyday that motherhood is a mystery. You think you know what you are in for. You watch other mothers care for their children and figure "easy enough". You rock someone else's baby to sleep and you think to yourself "I can do this". And then the time comes for you to push out that thing that has been squirming around in your belly for 9 months and you're in shock. At least I was. What do you mean this baby came out of me? What do you mean she now belongs to me and my husband? So many questions. So many questions that I thought I had the answers to, right up until I was actually holding my child.

We named her Ella Grace, and the name "Grace" was because we knew we were going to need a lot of it. She is such a beautiful gift to us, one that once we received it, we wondered how we ever lived without her. I tell Ella that she reminds me of a rainbow. She is always a surprise, and always radiant. She is unpredictable, often just barely out of my reach, and full of color and life all the time. She also happens to be the exact replication of my husband in every way...in appearance and personality. And so in some ways I feel like he knows her more than I do, he gets her, he understands the way her brain works. Sometimes I even rely on him for interpreting her actions, because there are times when I just do not understand them. He always can, and I love that. I am still learning though. I am getting to know her more and more everyday. We curl up next to one another in bed at night and talk and pray, and it's as if she and I are the only two people in the world. Everything Ella does she does with passion and determination. She is intense like that. And just when I think I have her figured out, she throws me a curve ball. Oh how I love that girl!


How about you? Is motherhood somewhat of a mystery to you? Has the gift of a child been a different gift than you thought it was going to be? No less lovely, just different. Talk to me...


Amy

13 comments:

Samantha said...

Oh goodness- I had 'one of those days'. Good thing is, they take turns. They don't gang up on me, it's a rotation only my girls know. I wonder when they find the time to set up a schedule :) There is no other job I could ever or would ever want to do, but sometimes I wonder. How can I do it?? It's like bringing a wild stallion into your home and trying to get it to sit down to eat, to listen to mommy, and to share toys with the baby.... Goodness, I am left with no other choice but to love my girls!

http://jeffandsam-theconnerfam.blogspot.com/2010/08/moving-along.html

Jemsmom said...

Oh my did this come at the right time. I feel so utterly blessed to have Jemma in my life after two miscarriages. I know this child forward, backward, and inside out. I have never known or cared for anyone that way that I care for this baby of mine.

Being a stay at home mom has been a unique and interesting experience. I quote you all the time when you wrote (this is not verbatim, but you know!) "I can't wait for her to get up in the morning, and I can't wait for her to go to bed at night, but I just can't get enough of her!" I love that!

I am having to let go more and more as she grows up on me, makes new friends and wants to go play with them! I love listening to her conversations with others and teaching her how to follow her heart and make good choices. I just pray each and every day (many times a day!) that I am helping her to grow and live in God's light. Hardest job ever, but best thing in the world.

Shannon @ Posh Pieces said...

Your daughter is beautiful. My daughter (6) has been a spirited little girl since the moment she was born. I say that she was born screaming (which is true). She always keeps us on our toes. :-) I always expected my girl to be more delicate, much like myself.. quite, calm, girly... she is all dad, and that feisty little girl is quite the joy.

My son has always been a mommas boy which was quite the treat. He is all boy, and will spend all day playing baseball or riding his bike if I let him. :-)

Catherine said...

ha! mystery is an understatement. :) ella and grace are seriously two of my favorite names.

Between You and Me said...

all gifts.
each one different.
radically different from one another.
this absolutely keeps me on my toes.
or should i say...
ON MY KNEES.

can't imagine life without any of my three...
best job on the planet.
hardest job on the planet.

Michelle said...

Love how you say you thought you knew all about it until you became a mother yourself. I had ALL the answers until it was MY child and his unique needs. Then I had it all figured out and along comes #2, with HIS unique needs. It is something new each and every day!

Big Boops said...

I love being a Mother. Its by far the accomplishment and gift that I'm the most grateful for. All my life I dreamed of having a little girl and I thought there was no way I would be so lucky as to get what I wished for. But I did!!! And she is amazing. I'm literally enthralled with her every move. There is nothing she does (even screaming in soprano range at the top of her lungs because I gave her milk in the wrong way) that makes me any less mesmerized by her. I can not even explain what it means to me to be her mom. There have been a couple of other people that I have been entrusted to care for in my life that I have just been floored that I got to be the one God put in their lives. I feel almost unworthy sometimes. So I figure God must have a big plan for my growth if I'm entrusted with such special people.

Vanessa said...

I wrote in one of my recent posts about my journey to motherhood. And how, when you are literally "gifted" your children through adoption the phrase "children are a gift from God" takes on a whole new meaning! The love is sweeter because of the painful road we took to get to them and I wouldn't trade that journey for anything in the world!
Vanessa
http://southerninmyheart.blogspot.com

Woodard Gang said...

I absolutely love being a mom and feel extremely blessed to be able to stay home with them...time is so precious. It's hard for me to believe that my daughter is 12 and could possibly be gone in 6 years...it hard to imagine not having your kids live with you! I often go back and look at their baby books to recall all the memories of when they were babies/toddlers...a blur of a few years! She is such a joy...with a bold love for Jesus that even ministers to me at times! She's quirky at times (and it's funny Amy, because my husband "gets" her quirkiness too...they have this saying "I get you") At this moment, I do feel that the emotional aspect of parenting is alot more tiring than when they were little. It seeems that was much more physically exhausting! But...wouldn't trade it for anything. I am intentionally trying to take in every moment...good and bad because time doesn't stand still! Thanks for a beautiful post!

Jill said...

I don't know, girlie, I think that purdy girl looks an awful lot like her momma too! My middle child (Nathan) got none of my DNA. My husband hogged it all. I know he's mine because I carried him. Otherwise, I might've wondered. :-) He's nothing like me, yet somehow he ended up a momma's boy. You just never know what you're gonna get, do you?

The Scooper said...

Oh girl...I could sure talk to you. I don't know the greater mystery: my kids or myself. I love my babies something fierce. I am serious about being their mama and I want to do it well. But on any given day I am in tears asking God why he gave such precious kids to such an ill-suited mama. I think it's the being needed part. I'm just no good at it. Being a mama is the best, hardest thing in my life...the thing that keeps me desperate, daily, for the work of the Spirit.

Lisa said...

Oh I thought I'd ace motherhood, that it would all come so easily because I always loved children, but to actually MOTHER someone through all the tides of their life is the most difficult and amazing role I will ever have. Thank you for sharing such a heart-felt post about your own experience.

LuLu said...

Oh How I understand this post.... motherhood it's a complicated road. my oldest daughter is a splitting image and personality of her father too..... i turn to him when i'm completely confused. their humor is identical too.
xo,
LuLu

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