He loves me, He loves me not

He loves me, He loves me not...I am so guilty of this. Every time I think I am past it, doubt and insecurity march right back into my life and cause me to begin questioning what I believed just one day before. It is as though the path that I am on with the Lord sometimes resembles more of a track, we just keep looping around the same path over and over again. I desire our road to look more like a path through a meadow; maybe one where the morning dew still floats atop the grass, and the sunlight causes it to glisten and reflect a golden glow. Or maybe I envision our walk to be down a beach, calm and serene, yet at the same time powerful and majestic. But often all I can see is black concrete underneath my walking shoes, along with metal stadium seats packed full of onlookers mocking my lack of progress. I hear what they are saying even though they are whispering, I hear their condemning words. Do you ever feel this way? Do you ever feel like you spend way too much time plucking the petals off daisies, allowing your emotions to swing back and forth between "He loves me and He loves me not"? Do you ever feel like you are looping the same track over and over again, wrestling out the same issues with God? Do you ever feel drained from your apparent lack of progress? I do, and it can be exhausting.

There is a glimmer of hope that I cling to when discouragement begins to weigh down my spirit: God wrestles with those that He loves. Do you remember Jacob? He had buried himself so deep into the ground that there was simply no way out for him. His brother (that presumably desired to kill him) was approaching with an army of 400 men. To say that Jacob was discouraged would be an understatement, He was terrified. And so he wrestled through all the sin that had brought him to where he was...and he wasn't alone. God was right there with him, wrestling it out, just waiting for Jacob to humble himself before his Maker and accept his blessing that the Lord desired to give him.

When you are feeling your walk with the Lord keeps bringing you back to the same place, consider the possibility that maybe you and God still have some wrestling to do. Consider the possibility that it is not that God doesn't love you that you find yourself back at the same place again, but rather that He loves you too much to let you move on before you have received His blessing. Though our flesh tells us that we are back at this same place again because we will never be free of our sin, allow the Spirit to speak a bolder truth over your situation. Maybe God is just waiting for us to humble ourselves enough to receive the blessing that He has set aside for us. Believe Him when He says He loves you. His Son has the scars on his hands and feet to prove it.