It was all worth it

Many years ago, I had the privilege of listening to a "panel of married experts" discuss marriage. This panel consisted of several pastors from our church, and they were asked a series of questions and then took turns sharing their thoughts. My favorite question and then subsequent answer came from one of our elder pastors, a sweet and gentle man. He was asked what was one of the greatest gifts that he could give his children as a Christian father. His answer was "to love my wife".

I remember being a bit surprised by his response, but ten years into this marriage thing, I am learning to agree with him more and more. Life has a way of distracting us so fast, and raising children has a way of shifting the focus of importance. We all do it, it is almost unavoidable, and intimacy in marriage takes such a hit in our world. My husband and I are often quick to become so deeply wrapped into the lives of our children, that sometimes we forget that we need to first be deeply wrapped into the lives of one another. My husband is involved in a men's group in our church that often preaches "God first, then your wife, and then children". To some it may seem harsh or unfair, but I can understand the truth behind it more and more as we raise our kids together. The busyness of life can drown a couple and before you know it you are robotically walking along side of your spouse asking "what day is it?" or "which one has practice tonight?" and "how about we just plan to talk to one another in 18 years".

On most days, this is the stuff that makes life fun for us as parents. But on some days, this is the same stuff that eventually will wear you out. This past week we got away and it was indeed refreshing. We took a cruise down to Mexico, and the sun and calm sea had a way of calming our anxious hearts. It was nice to have uninterrupted talks and meals, and oh my goodness the joy of actually finishing a book! Yes, it was a lot of work to get out the door. And yes, we missed the kids and kids missed us, and no, you don't have to go away on a trip to find intimacy in your marriage. But this trip was a special treat, and once we crossed the threshold of the ship our souls settled a bit and my husband reached out his hand and said "hi, I'm Kevin, it's nice to meet you"...and it was all worth it.